Thursday 8 March 2012

Permanent Jet-Lag (Entry 1)

Guess What? Chicken Butt. I'm In Austin, Texas... Yep I know what you're thinking when you think of Texas, 'Thats where Cowboys are from right?" Well thats racist to assume that cowboys make up a lot of Texas when in fact its a lot of colours and illegal mexican immigrants that make up Texas.

Oh and before i start, i was gonna call this blog Travel Diary: Season 2, but then i thought, 'thats stupid, you're not a tv show'. So i decided not to give this a name at all.

So please enjoy Season 2 of my travel... diary.

I'm gonna start this where all books and movies start, the beginning (Exceptions: Memento, Fight Club, Go, Inception, Pulp Fiction, All the Terminator Movies, The Quite American, The Social Network, Megamind, Run Lola Run, Breakfast Of Champions, Secretary, Forrest Gump, Evita, Boiler Room and 500 Days Of Summer, Cause the days were all out of order nerrrr Deschanel). So i get on a train to go to the airport and am standing the whole way because its early morning and boring people go to work at that time. I'm standing next to this really attractive girl who keeps looking at me, then when i look at her and she smiles, so it started good, in my mind i was like "Alllllriiiiggght I'm not gonna talk to you but i'll think about you later when i'm all alone". Anyway she gets off at Roma Street and i continue to the airport.

Get a Red Rooster meal while at the airport. Fun fact, Red Rooster meals are $13 at the airports... You'd think with how much money they'd make the Rooster wouldn't be so red (tell your dad that one for me). Anyway, Go to the bathroom, discover i have marks on my head from when i dyed my hair the night before... No wonder that cunt on the train was smiling. (Yeah i dye my hair, my natural colour looks like bark, go fuck yourself).



Get on plane, get seated next to the guy from Madina Lake (I know that because he was still wearing his laminate), he doesn't seem interesting so i don't talk to him, watch 'In Time' instead, wasn't bad. Fall asleep for a while, when i awake i notice that said uninteresting guy is gone and has been replaced with this dreadlocked girl and a guy i knew i didn't like because he had a douchey goatee. Watch Martha Marcy May Marlene... Said Dreadlocked Girl FOR FUCKING REAL... starts getting fingered right next to me. Not even joking/exaggerating/making this up. She literally started clenching the arm-rests. I coughed, laughed, looked around loudly to get them to stop but in the end i realised i was only prolonging this experience, so i pretend to sleep, she cums and i ask them to move so i can go to the bathroom. He patted me on the back when i walked past him, I regret not jerking off then punching him in the face.

Get into LA, have an 8 hour stopover, sleep in a quiet corner of LAX for a couple of hours. Hear an announcement for my flight, go to terminal and notice that Danny Trejo (He was in Spy Kids 3!) was on my flight wearing a cowboy hat... Yeah real subtle.  I would've talked to him but what could i have said, "Hey Danny, Machete was good! HAHHAHAHAHAHAHA" Then he would've murdered me.

Get into Austin, Catch a bus and walk 2 miles, realise i'm at the wrong hotel (Yeah in America there isn't just one place called 'Days Inn' there's like one every block). Get to real hotel, get mcdonalds and sleep.

Woke up this morning and went downtown... then i got out of bed and went downtown (Hahahaha Ahhhh see what i did there, hehe you saw it!). Picked up my badge for SXSW and walked around scoping out the venues for the film festives that will be happening these next 5 days. Walk past a dude screaming at everyone coming out of the convention centre "You Think You Can Come Here And Burden Us With Your Presence, You Think You Can Come Here And Have A Good Time Huh? Well You're All GONNA PAY YOU HEAR ME?!?"... he seemed nice, i waved to him.



And thats all the noteworthy misadventures i've had so far... I know, i hope they'll get better too and some girl getting fingered isn't a highlight. Fill you in over the next couple of days about the films i'm seeing here... Shut up and play the hits, Cabin in the woods, Casa Di Me Padre, God Bless America, Bad Brains Band In DC, 21 Jump Street, The Comedy, Marley etc. etc. etc. AND MARC FUCKING MARON is doing a podcast!



Message a nigga.

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